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Monday, September 29, 2008

Things I Learned From My Grandfather

If you limp across the street cars will slow down for you,
If you roll over their hood, they will get out and chat.

Pretending not to know how to work an elevator will save you valuable finger movements.

You can talk little brothers into just about anything even, "Open your mouth and close your eyes."

The red color of Mecurochrome not only makes a wound look bloodier than it really is thus evoking greater sympathy, but it stings less than alcohol.

They still sell glass bottles of grape pop, you just need to know where to look.

Stompin’ Tom is best listened to while stomping along.

Saying “I hate to do this to you” with a sly smile before attempting a tricky Crokinole shot will only backfire about 10% of the time.

You can do shots of maple syrup.

Green grass on an electric fence will only give you a mild shock.

While lawn darts may be deadly, they are still a lot of fun.

While pulling weeds may sound like fun, it’s really not.

Full boar down Dead Man’s Hill on your bike is a rush.

Butterscotch candy is underrated.

Horehound candy is overrated.

Shaving in the kitchen sink will garner an audience.

You can eat whatever you want if you work hard enough.

Getting in good with the chef often leads to extra pie.

To walk it off.

Thank you.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I like your grandfather, he seems to have a better touch with the absurd reality that we all live in that most people do.

As always, excellent work!

Leopard said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. Much of it I knew, I just hadn't yet applied it to my situation. ;)

Love the list. My favorite: While pulling weeds may sound like fun, it’s really not. Reminds me of when I pulled weeds for my parents, and ended up sore for the next few days. Ha.

Speedcat Hollydale said...

Wonderful post ... funny and warmhearted all rolled into one!

Hello from SpeedyCat in Minnesota

The Prickly Press said...

Thank you. Probably could have made this one into a three part series, he is a pretty great guy.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing about your grandfather. He sounds like a unique individual . . . think he and my grandfather would get along famously! I have already used some of his advice--the one about eating if you try hard enough . . . lol